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ORIGINAL WORKS: Romantic Sad Humorous Old Favorites Wish I'd Said That Nature Thoughtful Patriotic One-liners Limericks Friendship Life In General Happy Family First Love Dreams Dogs & Cats Memories Cowboy Poetry Paint a Word Picture Holiday Themes Nursery Rhymes Music Sports Political Religious Travel Collected Works Ballad Poems POET LAUREATES: Elizabeth Santos N.G. "Gary" Stapp FOR FUN: •NEW: Crossword Puzzle •Magnetic Poetry •Shakespearean Insults •What time is it where you are?  ABOUT US: From the Editor Favorite Links Copyright Info		Einstein was exceedingly bright, and exceeded the speed limit of light. He set out one day in a relative way, and returned on the previous night. See a pin and pick it up all the day you will have good luck See a pin and let it lay bad luck you will have all the day -- Submitted by Pradeepika Dayaratne from Sri Lanka e-mail: sumudualwis@slt.lk ALL IN A LIMERICK'S DAY: MY PETTY PEEVES 1. I just woke up feeling great Like I barely had gained any weight. Not so says my scale!! The despair I can't quell. So I go pile food on a plate. 2. A car on a side street I spy Fast pulls in front of me. Why? I'd been going 60. But now I'm at 50. Rude fools can't let fast folks pass by! 3. Then the store checkout line is not fast. So I change to line two. I'm aghast. The first just got quicker Line two was a trickster. Yes, the last shall be first; the first, last. 4. I race home because there is something I've taped, and for me it is everything. I mope and I pout Cause the power had gone out. While away from my home, I taped nothing. 5. And so I've proceded to bake A costly and chocolate-filled cake. A most horrible taste! Salt for sugar I'd placed. What a waste. (No more nuts for a remake!) 6. I'm in bed. There's this really good show. But my eyes won't stay open. Oh, no! In the a.m. it's one. I awake. My show's done. Just like life, the end I can't know. -- Submitted by Andrea Dietrich from Pleasant Grove, Utah e-mail: Pandie55@hotmail.com A HIP AND A HOP AND A TALLY HO With a Hip and a Hop and a Tally Ho, This wee happy elf tipped his hat, Would he be friend or would he be foe? I knew not the answer to that. So I hid behind bushes and followed the bloke , As he whistled a jolly old tune. Then he sucked on his pipe and blew out the smoke, And his mouth wrinkled up like a prune. Now he kicked at the twigs as he hurried along, And his pointed hat slid to the side. He stopped dead in his tracks and then looked around, As I slipped behind bushes to hide. But clever was he, this jolly wee elf. And he soon disappeared from view. I searched and searched in spite of myself, Now what was I expected to do? Well, I walked on the path that lead to my home, When I got there the door was ajar. I stepped inside to find him there alone, Pouring a beer at my bar. Now look here lad, we've had our play, But I've not invited you here. "My lady dear, fear not I say, I won't be back till next year." So he tipped back his glass and announced his go, Then with a wink of his eye. With a Hip and a Hop and a Tally Ho, We both waved a fond good bye. -- Submitted by Floria Kelderhouse from New Lenox, Illinois e-mail: strbbux@aol.com A poet possesses a curse For he thinks in the madness of verse My sanity's ample For this small example Is just an attempt to rehearse A poet gets up out of bed To type out a poem in his head I'm really not crazy But sometimes too lazy And write on my pillow instead A poet is always contented Through poetry fantasy's vented But the long ago bard Had to memorize hard Until paper and pen were invented -- Submitted by Elizabeth Santos from Pottstown, PA e-mail: escheffey@aol.com RETIREMENT When hubby decided to retire His wife said, honey I declare On what they give We'll just barely live And not have one dime we can spare! -- Submitted by Burmah M. Teague from Chickamauga, GA e-mail: burmahteague@msn.com WINTER SLEET AND RAIN Winter caught us driving sleet and rain. No succor, no progress, no gain. And what if our plan Should eliminate Man? Without mind, all we reap is the pain. -- Submitted by Wilson F. Engel, III from San Diego, CA e-mail: wickengel@aol.com A HUMDINGER I asked a hummingbird about what was wrong Why with other birds it didn't join and sing a song It put me squarely in place And said with very straight face "To their songs I enjoy humming along."   IT'S SIMPLE SIMON! Simon had a very big pimple His mom said, "Hold still, this is simple!" But a dimple he feared If the pimple she speared So he fled in a manner quite nimble -- Submitted by Raleigh D. Meadow from Ligonier, IN e-mail: rdmed@hotmail.com A cheerful old bear at the zoo Could always find something to do. When it bored him to go On a walk to and fro He reversed it, and walked fro and to. -- Submitted by Carol Merolla from Johnston, Rhode Island e-mail: AFD10@home.com There was an old person whose habits Induced him to feed upon rabbits; When he'd eaten eighteen He turned perfectly green, Upon which he relinquished those habits. I'd rather have fingers than toes, I'd rather have ears than a nose; As for my hair; I'm glad it's still there, I'll be awfully sad when it goes. -- Submitted by Carol Merolla from Johnston, Rhode Island e-mail: AFD10@home.com A BALL A ball is a wonderful thing you may hit with a crack or a ping whether oblong or round in the air or on the ground where a ball is, excitement will reign. -- Submitted by T. Edward Cross from St. Louis, MO e-mail: tedward@inlink.com HI-YO HOOVER! Once a witch with a wart on her nose, and with runs in her pantyhose, went and traded her broom for a Hoover vacuum. Where she hoovered to, nobody knows. THE DANVILLE ANVIL There once was a blacksmith at Danville who made so much noise on his anvil that the neighbors, one day went and hauled it away and bulldozed it into the landfill. CAREFUL, DOCTOR! A lady named Abigail Fenture received from her colleagues a censure. She, being a vet, accidentally let a mischievous Doberman pincher. SILLY GOOSE! A novice goose-farmer, Tom Sanders, once wrote for advice from Ann Landers. He'd encountered a block to increasing his flock: He didn't know gooses from ganders. YUMMY, YUMMY! Herpetologist Christopher Blake made a perfectly dreadful mistake. Turned his back upon Wanda, an immense anaconda, and became a quick snack for the snake. ALL FOR LOVE Poor octogenerian Darrel, at Niagara with his young bride, Carol, the love struck old geezer, in order to please her, plunged over the falls in a barrel. CRAWL, PAUL! A young, macho spider named Paul imagined himself ten feet tall. At friend's warnings he sneezed, said he'd crawl where he pleased. Now Paul's just a stain on the wall. -- Submitted by William Daniel Robinson from Tulsa, Oklahoma e-mail: bdwhozit@juno.com AN ETERNITY There once was a man that I loved, Whose heart was as pure as a dove, He woke everyday, To smile and say, I will love you t'ill the day I'm above! -- Submitted by Virginia Wilson from Frelighsburg, Quebec e-mail: gizmo.nini@sympatico.ca SNOW Just look at a child's expression and tell him not to love snow! He'll run out the door, hoping for more, with carrots and branches in tow. -- Submitted by Patricia Larson from Wisconsin e-mail: topaztwin@yahoo.com Rhubarb when raw is so tough And its leaves contain poisonous stuff, But when cleaned and de-soiled Dipped in sugar and boiled Then the stalks are quite tasty enough. -- Submitted by Annette North from Fort Bragg, CA e-mail: annnorth@mcn.org A friend of mine likes Rock and Roll But her eardrums were taking a toll; So she turned down the Elvis. and just watched his pelvis, and now it's her eyeballs that loll! -- Submitted by Patricia Larson from Wisconsin e-mail: topaztwin@yahoo.com THE TRAIN AT 4:04 "There's a train at four - four," said Miss Jenny. "Four tickets I'll take, have you any?" Said the man at the door, "Not four for four - four For four for four - four is too many." -- Joseph C. Tyler, Sr. Pythagoras thought of a theorem. Corners, he no longer did fear 'em. For every triangle He tried to untangle He had the right angle to clear 'em. I received two books as a gift, But I felt my attitude shift. Twixt Jonathan's satire And young Tom's new gyre My turnaround was none too Swift. Read Marshall, then Ivan, now shift. Add Jonathan if you are miffed. Where this reading will lead Is reward for the deed: Justice, Terrible and Swift. -- Submitted by P. E. Murphy from Farmington, NY e-mail: ireland@frontiernet.net THE MAN FROM NANTUCKET There was an old man from Nantucket who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter named Nan ran away with a man and as for the bucket, Nan tuck it. Pa followed the pair to Pawtucket, the man and the girl with the bucket. He said to the man, "You're welcome to Nan," but as for the bucket, Pa tuck it. -- E. E. Nichols It's not the cough that carries you off, It's the coffin they carry you off in. -- E.E. Nichols
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